Like, for real real. I want to do things myself.

It'd be awfully wonderful if you butted out. No one else noses into my business, or is always asking me about my boyfriend like you'd pounce on him the moment you got the chance. No one else not even my mom is on my 24/7 about getting a job. No on else talks to me the way you do. I know who I am, I am intelligent, gorgeous, and I have a very good heart and soul, and I have very strong friendships to back it up. I'm not perfect and I accept that, I don't condescend people just to make myself feel better. I know life is hard, but that doesn't mean you have to make it harder for anyone else.

Being a good friend automatically means that you don't treat me terribly. You never seem to have grasped that fact. You have always been the one who screws up, or does something wrong to me. You're always the one who causes fights and then when we're friends again act as if you're pitying me by spending time with me.

I know you. Your life is not that great. You have a couple good things going for you. But do you really want to drive away the one person who has stood by you no matter how many times you moved, or were hated, hungry, scared or suicidal?

I know I've always been there for you, and you seem to think I always will be. Friendships don't mean 'I can treat this person however I damn-well-please because I know they'll never leave'. No no no, friendships are maintained on a basis of fun, trust, honesty and liking each other as people. Now tell me, how am I supposed to even tolerate being around with all of this. I like people who seem to actually appreciate my existence and my company.

Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, even if I'm not your friend. We've had very different distinct life experiences. That doesn't make you better or worse than me. That makes us humans that have dealt with their own obstacles with the emotional support of the other. Have you forgotten all the times you cried on me? Have you forgotten all the times I looked the other way? Have you forgotten all the secrets I've kept, or phone calls and conversations I've had on your behalf? Did you not notice when I stood up for you?

What makes you think that now it's okay to be a passive aggressive jerk?

Listen to more music. Don't let anything distract you from having music in your life. It's a great way to chill out and wind down. Dance if you want, sing along. just have music on hand that you like to hear. Country, rock, techno, whatever. Music is music.

Go outside more. Dance in the rain, or the sun, or the snow. Play tag, hang out with friends, go on a picnic; just get out. Too much inside air is bad for your sanity.

Do something that scares you. It doesn't even have to be dangerous, things like trying to be friends with you parents or getting to know an acquaintance better are good. You'll get a lot more satisfaction out of life if you take chances than if you cling to the rails hoping like hell you don't fall.

Keep going when you screw up, because you inevitably will. Don't worry about who you disappointed, apologize for the feeling you may have hurt, glue together what you have have broken and move on. Things wont be the same after something so earthshattering or dramatizing that it changes your life and the way you see it.

Believe in what you do. Don't let anything, friends, family, school, sports team, youth group, school club, obligations, church, fear;especially fear, stop you from being yourself. If you can't be yourself in the things you're doing and the people you're around then you're not living. Don't fake believe what you're doing, do what's good for you, you'll know what that is by seeing where it's going to take you. You can't believe in a dream someone else gave to you, you have to make your own.

So I've been having lots of random thoughts lately.

Just little tidbits, nothing that I could write a novel around or anything, but here they are.

Don't tell someone how to live. If you're concerned about how they ARE living, say something, or don't but accept that they're living at all and be happy about that. If you love them enough to care how they're living, you should love them enough to let them figure it out on their own.

Find a way to express yourself, experiment with cooking, drawing, writing, multi-tasking, spending time with others, a new skill you want to build on, or an old one that you've neglected; find a new challenging way to play a game, make your own rules; someone else's directions shouldn't matter if you're just in it to have fun.

Learn to ride a bike. You will never not get hassled for not knowing; finding someone else who doesn't know is rare, finding someone who will teach you when you are eighteen is even more rare.

Fall in love. Romantically, artistically, platonically; find passion in your life for something. Wake up wanting to do something, see someone, go somewhere, everyday is just ordinary if you don't have something to do, look forward to. Create it day to day, do something different everyday, change up your pattern, splurge, smile, really see, hear, smell, feel, and taste the world around you.

Don't judge anyone. That gives them free reign to judge you. You're not as great a person as you think, no one is perfect, not even you, remember that next time your friends screw up or your family upsets you or a homeless man asks you for money. That could be you, don't take for granted your imperfections, they are what you have in common with your loved ones, and the rest of the world. Learn to love what you don't like about yourself. 

There will be more to follow I'm sure, I'm going to try to keep a notepad with me to remember these things, and more importantly than that, I am going to try and follow my own advice, it'll make me happier in the longrun. Take my words exactly as you'd like, disagree with me, whatever, it's just something to think about.